Our last update was week 12 here. Since then the wound has fully closed and the stump has shrunk considerably. She went for her prosthetic two weeks ago and after a couple of hours of trying to walk and get the device to fit properly they decided that it was about a 1/2 a centimeter too tall. She went back the next week and after about an hour they decided that the prosthetic itself was too big to fit on her stump properly. She goes back again this Wednesday and hopefully the third visit will result in her coming home with a foot.

Some of the realities of not having a foot have set in. I think there is a difference between knowing that you aren't going to have a foot and actually understanding the impact that has on your life. It isn't the larger things that really matter, it's all the little stuff that you take for granted. One example is that unless Carol is willing to get her prosthetic wet she will never stand in a shower again. That, to me, is daunting.

Today, since she is still on crutches, I'm her FedEx guy. I fetch and carry virtually anything she needs. At this point I think that bothers her more than it does me. She doesn't like being dependent on me to get her things, but the reality is carrying something while using crutches is difficult at best. I can grab something and bring it to her before she can manage to get up and get to the item in question. That will change once she gets her prosthetic, but there will always be times when she isn't wearing it and she will have to rely on me to help her. That knowledge can be tough to internalize. Carol is very independent; some of that was lost along with her foot.

Getting up in the middle of the night, for whatever reason, is another one of those things that is taken for granted. If you have only one foot, then getting up is much more of a production. She will either have to use crutches or put a prosthetic on. Her nights of wandering around half asleep are essentially over. You can't use crutches half asleep and I'm guessing you can't put a prosthetic on when you are half asleep either.

In terms of pain management Carol seems to have made great progress. Phantom pain has decreased to the point where she doesn't mention it anymore. Since going to try and get a prosthetic she has experienced a bit more real pain. We aren't sure if that is a function of the special stump shrinking sock she's been wearing or just the change in usage patterns with the prosthetic. She has had a couple of stitches migrate their way out of the end of the stump. Right now, she appears to have another trying to push its way out, and that is causing some pain. It isn't close enough to the surface yet to break through so we can't get it out by just pulling on it.

As might be expected, Carol spends a lot of time researching various prosthetic feet, reading message boards for amputees, and generally gathering information from any source she can find. There seems to be a lot of information about what happens, what to expect, right after surgery, but that time between first getting your prosthetic and moving on with life there is very little. How much pain should she expect? How long until walking becomes natural? How heavy should the prosthetic feel? All of these and a ton more questions remain to be resolved. The answers to these are probably very specific to the person in question; even so, it would be nice to some sort of idea of what to expect.